Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
