watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
