This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
