I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
