That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
