It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
