he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You don't make any sense
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