theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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