Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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