TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
