More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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