Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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