Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
