I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
