i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
