If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
