There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I intend to get homeless drunk
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
