Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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