i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My liver just had a heart attack.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
