Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
