Whoa Z and x make the same sound
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
