Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
