all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
