my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
