Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize