Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I am spending my child support on dildos
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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