i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
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