My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
