she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
