I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
