Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
