i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize