Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
