Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
