When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
True strength comes from lack of pants
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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