You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I will be naked everywhere
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
