It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
