He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
