U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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