is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
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