Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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