at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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