I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
