Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize