um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
