If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
even my farts smell like vagina
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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