He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
