I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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