bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
