when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
