I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize