so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
