my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
