You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
