I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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