i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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