i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
