I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
