who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
