her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
