8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
