if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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