mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Two words: nipple clamps
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