saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
