The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Pants 0. Shit 1.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
