How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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