I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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