Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
