You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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