i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
