Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
