Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
