I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
third nipple confirmed
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize