guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
