It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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