just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
