He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
