Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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