I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
