i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
