god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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