walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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