At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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