her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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