Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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