Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize