why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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