I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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