So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
