I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
