I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
