He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
