Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
