Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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