Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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