Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
